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The Passing of an Old Friend
My parents told me about Mr. Common Sense early in my life and told me I would do well to call on him when making decisions. It seems he was always around  in my early years but less and less as time passed by.  Today I  read his obituary. Please join me in a moment of silence in  remembrance, for Common Sense had served us all so well for so many  generations.
 
Obituary
Common Sense 

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has  been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was  since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.  He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as  knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the  worm, life isn't always fair , and maybe it was my fault. 

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies  (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies  (adults, not children are in charge).

His health began to  deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing  regulations were set in place. Teens suspended from  school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for  reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. 

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for  doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their  unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required  to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a  Band-Aid to a student, but could not  inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have  an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten  Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and  criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense  took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in  your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault. 

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman  failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot.  She  spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge  settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his  parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter,  Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three  stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a  Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few  realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on.   If not, join the majority and do nothing.

 



Nine Words Women Use

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement of ten misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true!!!





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