A man was leaving church one day...
A man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him,"You need to join the Army of the Lord!"The man replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"He whispered back, "Shhhhhhhhh. I'm in the secret service."

Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole...
Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing. Finally David, his playing partner, asked, "Why on Earth are you takingso long to make this shot?""My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make this shot a good one," said Bob."Good Lord," said David, "you haven't got a chance of hitting her from here."