A stolen credit card
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist...
A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in room 27. She goes and checks, and comesback to the phone, telling him No, the room is empty. "Good," says the man. "That means I must have really escaped."