Businessman is dying
A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."

"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"

The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope, "Now, you have everything."

Being hurt
A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself.The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband's feet."Are you hurt?" he asked."Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't wave once!"