A dog for a wife
It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his firstassignment, and it was guard duty.A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervousyoung Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute,and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"The General, out for some relaxation, returned the saluteand said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going todisagree with the General, so the he saluted again andreplied "Sir, Yes Sir!".The General continued, "You know there's something about astormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing.Don't you agree?"The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just aprivate, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever,the best type of dog to train."The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said"Sir, Yes Sir!"The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."The Private simply said "Good trade Sir!"

Ball Rolling
Three men were waiting at Heaven's gates. Peter says, "OK, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."

So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.

The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.

So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you land with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"

He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them."
She says to the first two guys, "I lied."