Heaven deprives me of a wife who never caused me any other grief than that of her death. (Quote by - Louis XIV Of France)

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife. (Quote by - Rodney Dangerfield)

I don't have friends, I have thousands of acquaintances. No friends. I figured I had a wife and children. (Quote by - Charles Bronson)

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?. (Quote by - Sam Levenson)

I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'. (Quote by - Emo Philips)

I used to hang out with Salvador Dali a lot. He was such a nice man. I really liked his wife Gala, too. People say that she was tricky, but she was never difficult with me. (Quote by - Jerry Hall)

By taking a second wife he pays the highest compliment to the first, by showing that she made him so happy as a married man, that he wishes to be so a second time. (Quote by - Samuel Johnson)

Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife. (Quote by - Franz Schubert)

My wife had an uncle who could never walk down the nave of an abbey without wondering whether it would take spin. (Quote by - Sir Alec Douglas Home)

My wife and I, we like to ride where there's not much traffic. (Quote by - Evel Knievel)

It makes my wife mad, you know, she wants me to stay home all the time. But its what I've done all my life and I think when I quit doing it I'll probably go away pretty quick. (Quote by - Merle Haggard)

Sybil's my wife, and on the first day of October, that's the first time I knew Ross was going to run. (Quote by - James Stockdale)

It is a woman's business to get married as soon as possible, and a man's to keep unmarried as long as he can. (Quote by - George Bernard Shaw)

My toughest fight was with my first wife, and she won every round. (Quote by - Muhammad Ali)

I've traveled the world and been about everywhere you can imagine. There's not anything I'm scared of except my wife. (Quote by - Lee Trevino)

You can forgive people who do not follow you through a philosophical disquisition; but to find your wife laughing when you had tears in your eyes, or staring when you were in a fit of laughter, would go some way towards a dissolution of the marriage. (Quote by - Robert Louis Stevenson)

I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed too - for being married so many times. (Quote by - Elizabeth Taylor)

Alas! another instance of the triumph of hope over experience. (Quote by - Samuel Johnson)

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. (Quote by - Prince Philip)

If I told my wife I was going to become a manager she'd say 'sign this then. Don't worry it's only a divorce. Au revoir'. (Quote by - David Ginola)

On names for his soon to be born baby: 'My wife thought of Scarlet from 'Gone With The Wind'. I thought of Darth Maul, or maybe President. President Stiller would be a great name.'. (Quote by - Ben Stiller)

There is no such thing as being good to your wife. (Quote by - Gertrude Stein)

Roman's wife Sharon Tate had been murdered by Charles Manson the year before, but Roman had been through so much leaving the Warsaw ghetto that he was very strong and private. (Quote by - Francesca Annis)

The only solid and lasting peace between a man and his wife is, doubtless, a separation. (Quote by - Lord Chesterfield)

Fear accomplishes much in love. The husband of the Middle Ages was loved by his wife for his very severity. The bride of William the Conqueror, having been beaten by him, recognized him by this token for her lord and husband. (Quote by - Jules Michelet)