Real Estate Ads Translated
Real Estate Ads Translated ============================  Enormous potential: Enormous amount of work to do.Low maintenance lot – No yard; the kids will have to play in the streetClose to school: close to vandals.Outstanding: Sticks out like a sore thumb.One-Of-A-Kind: Ugly as sin.Above ground pool: Piece of leaky plastic filled with water.Unique City Home: Used to be a warehouse.Mint: Someone spilled mouthwash on carpet.1 car garage – You can drive your car into the garage but there is no room to open the doorPicturesque setting: Abandoned cars and waist-high weeds in neighboring lots.Seasonal creek – Muddy ditch across the propertyAbsolute water frontage: Gets flooded out every ten years.Bedroom in basement – Basement has a 1′ by 2′ window.Desirable neighborhood – This little house is extravagantly overpriced because the neighborhood has a snobbish reputationWide-open floor plan: Previous owner removed supporting walls.Ready to move in – the interior has been painted with one coat of cheap paint.Motivated sellers – Bank is about to foreclose.Close to public transportation: Beneath railway line.Territorial view – Good view of your neighbor’s bedroom windowDelightful cottage: Garden is overgrown.Executive style living: Has a spa.Country in the city – A grotesquely overpriced large lot with a 2 bedroom house built before World War I.Prime location: Next to a factory.Newly remodeled kitchen – 50-year old cabinetry and faucets have been replaced with cheap modern equivalents.Stunning house – The house is not ugly.Leafy aspects: Trees block your view.Investment Opportunity: Needs a lot of money spent to fix it up.Lower-level family room: Ping-pong table over sewer opening.Move-in condition: Front door missing.Short walk to shops: 5 minute walk to shops. Minutes to shops: 10 minute walk to shops. Handy to shops: Nowhere near shops.Usable land – All the trees are gone.Must see inside – the outside is ugly.Old World Charm: Has some woodwork. Needs cleaning.Situated in rapidly progressing area: In the sticks.Contemporary Feeling: Has no woodwork. Needs cleaning.Three season sunroom – A small addition the owner did not have enough money to insulate.Tudor – Two bedrooms are in the attic which is not insulated; very hot in summer and very cold in winter.Easy walking distance too ____: Two miles from ____.Developers take note: The house is falling down.Near transportation – Amtrak train goes through the backyard, every 15 minutes, day and night.Wildlife nearby – Children and pets get ticks and fleas.Ready to remodel – the house is about to collapse; you will have to invest twice the asking price in remodel before you can move in.Brand new: 1 year old. New: 3 years old. As new: 6 years old. Modern: 10 years old. Solid: 15 yeas old. Cottage: 25 years old. Full of character: 50 years old.Easy to heat – See “cozy”.Nothing to spend: After buying you'll have nothing left to spend.Upper Bracket: If you have to ask...Includes all the things that make a house a home: Has an indoor toilet.Easy freeway access – Noisy arterial street close to freewayWill not last at this price: Will not sell at this price.Light, open spaces: Many holes in walls.Sophisticated City Living: Next to noisy bar.Neighborhood watch – Your next door neighbor has binoculars trained on your houseClose to lakes: Impossible to park on the street from April to October.Updated kitchen: Sink no longer overflows.Partially renovated: Owner gave up on a hopeless case.Security system: Neighbor has dogHandyman's delight: The roof is about to collapse.Doll-house – Tiny place filled with ugly knick-knacks.Beautifully presented: The lawn has been mowed.Land suitable for a pole home: On a cliff.Cape Cod – Styled after Third World slum dwellings.Brilliant Concept: Do you really need a two-story live oak in your 30-foot sky dome? See "Makes Dramatic Statement."Tasteful: Carpeted.Sunny corner lot – Noisy intersection of two busy streetsConvenient: Located on freeway entrance ramp.Suit young kids: You can allow kids to run wild, nothing worth protecting from damage.Not much mowing: No land.Sophisticated: Black walls and no windows. See "Architect's Delight."Close to all amenities – The backyard is a shopping mall parking lot.Potential is immeasurable: Present value is minimal.Retirement special: A good home to die in.Pet friendly neighborhood – Organic matter constantly deposited in the front lawnA rare find: Rare to find a house built like this still standing.Magnificent aspects: On a hill.Cozy – Not a single room could fit a full size bed.Loads of character: Bizarre.Charming: Tiny. Snow White might fit, but five of the dwarfs would have to find their own place. See "Cute," "Enchanting," and "Good Starter Home."Needs TLC - Major structural damage.You'll Love It: No, you won't.Recreation room with wet bar – Basement has been painted and has a faucet.Prestige surrounds: All the other houses in the street are nicer.Executive home: Overpriced.Storybook – The house is old and the roof is not flatMeticulously maintained in the original condition – The appliances are 50 years oldLots of storage space – Basement too small to be called a family room.Inner city living at its best: Close to muggers.Build sweat equity – The house is not inhabitableGenerous built-ins: Has cupboards.Country living – Too far from anywhere to drive to work.Old charmer – An old and ugly house.Efficiently designed kitchen – The kitchen is too small to fit two people at the same timeSought after location: Frequently broken into.Large family room – Large basement.Just available – Previous owner just died on the premises.Must See To Believe: An absolutely accurate statement.

An old occupation
What happens when people of different occupations get old.

- Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.

- Old actors never die, they just drop apart.

- Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.

- Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.

- Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.

- Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.

- Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.

- Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures.

- Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.

- Old cashiers never die, they just check out.

- Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.

- Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.

- Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.

- Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.

- Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged.

- Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.

- Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.

- Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.

- Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.

- Old garagemen never die, they just retire.

- Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.

- Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.

- Old hippies never die, they just smell that way.

- Old horticulturists never die, they just go to pot.

- Old hypochondriacs never die, they just lose their grippe.

- Old investors never die, they just roll over.

- Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.

- Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils.

- Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.

- Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.

- Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.

- Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.

- Old milkmaids never die, they just lose their whey.

- Old ministers never die, they just get put out to pastor...

- Old musicians never die, they just get played out.

- Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime.

- Old numerical analysts never die, they just get disarrayed.

- Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot.

- Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.

- Old perfessers never die, they just lose their class.

- Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.

- Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.

- Old policemen never die, they just cop out.

- Old preachers never die, they just ramble on, and on, and on, and on....

- Old printers never die, they're just not the type.

- Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.

- Old programming wizards never die, they just recurse.

- Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away.

- Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.

- Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles.

- Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.

- Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.

- Old skateboarders never die, they just lose their bearings.

- Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.

- Old Soldiers never die. Young ones do.

- Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.

- Old students never die, they just get degraded.

- Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding.

- Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.

- Walt Disney didn't die. He's in suspended animation.

- Old white water rafters never die, they just get disgorged.

- Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip.