For someone who doesnt want much; I sure what a lot. I want the perfect family, I want a nice home, I want a job I love going to, I want a nice car to get me to that job. I want to be loved unconditionally, I want to be happy, I want Johnathon to grow up and understand why I did the things that I did, and accept them. I want more children, I want to be supported emotionally, I want to be looked at like I'm the only one, I want to feel secure, I want flowers for no reason, I want to be thought of first, I want to matter, I want to make a difference, I want to be important. I want to be "the one" whatever that mean's I know it's a cliche'.
i'm a liar
i have been lying about my college degree for the last 20 years. on sunday at church the speaker talked about being only a few hours from my degree. he also said the person couldn't work in the ministery and asked for guilty parties to come up.
i feel terrible
I never loved you
You were mad about me. You wanted me to be with you every day. I hated it. I was just too nice to be honest. I even told you that I'm too nice to be honest sometimes. The worst part is that you paid $80 for me at a date auction. And I still have our gift certificate for dinner!
Never Been Kissed
Ever since I was little, I've always wanted to wait until my wedding day to be kissed. I don't really know the reason. I just do. I'd really love to be kissed now.. but something about waiting seems so romantic. My friends think I'm crazy.
Half Days suck
It was the first half day of the year last semester. I was going to meet a guy at the movies (he was 17 at the time, 18 now.) The night before he told me to come find him before school let out to make sure we were going. And, I forgot because I was so excited. My mom thought I was going with my best friend. I couldn't tell her I was going with a senior, I'm a freshman. She'd die.
Well, I get to the movies and wait for about ten minutes. My mom calls to make sure my friend is there. I lie and say she is. I keep waiting, and waiting. I guess the movie had been playing for about twenty minutes when I decided he wasn't coming. I wasn't about to sit out there by myself at a movie theater. So, I call my mom. I tell her my friend had to leave because of an emergency. She comes and gets me.
My mom still talks to me about that day. Everytime my friend and I go to the movies. She always says, "She's not going to leave this time is she?" Sometimes it makes me wonder if my mom knows more than I think she does. ;]
Issues of a Junior
... ive been hideing the fact from my parents that i am a heavy alcoholic... im almost to the point where im alcohol dependent... ive tryed stopping.. but it only lasted two days b4 i got a really bad craving... I would like to stop... but i cant...
Im in love with my best friend... but i cant tell him because he is the same age as my lil brother ;_; it would be also weird because I'm a Junior and he is a Freshman (lil bro is in 8th grade cause he failed 5th) you can look at us when we are talkign to eachother you can see that he is taller than i but is obiously younger.... hopefully it will be different next year. if not.. i bet ill find someone in college...
I wanted to slide on the floors but it didnt let me slide becouse there wasnt enough friction, so i grabbed the hose in my back yard and brung it inside and filled the hall with water, then i began to slide and had some great fun, intill i slide into a vase and it tipped over from the platform it was on and landed on our familys most favorite cat, he was 28, i picked the face up and there was a glass shard that piErced right there its stomach, it was a bad scene, its been 2 days and i have it shuved in the back of my closet under some bed sheets.
want 2 marry but im married
i love my boyfriend very much, and even though we've only been 2gether for 3 months, i want 2 marry him so bad. the only problem is that im married and my husband is deployed and i have to wait to get divorced, but i would do anything to be his wife. Im afraid if i really tell him that i want to marry him now, he will think im crazy or moving too fast.
How do you put into words the anguish you feel for loving the unattainable? So close to your heart but so far away. Standing next to her I can feel our love for each other. It's undeniable the bond we share. My body aches to have her. To be so close to her yet unable to show my love. Though I live a life of torture not having her, I consider myself blessed. Getting to share a small portion of my life with her is the greatest feeling one could ever dream. My days are complete as long as she is in my life.
What do we all want from life?
What's the goal we'd like to achieve?
Most of us have something we'de like to achieve, it might be a career, a job we enjoy doing and gives back satisfactory rewards either in a good income, or satisfaction in whatever it is we're doing, though I never could understand those who's lives were all about their work!
Unles of course it's something where you really make a difference in others lives, a Doctor perhaps or a Surgeon, I can perhaps understand people like that who's life revolves around what they Do!
But for me, "life", was where you were and what you did outside the hours of work, that's your true life.
As I look back now through the years, look back to when my goals were being established, and I knew what I wanted, think back to see what it was that gave me reason to get up each day, what were my aims, what was it that I needed ...
I guess it was around 19 or 20.. actually no it was probably clear around 22, though perhaps I didn't realise it then, sometimes we're running on instinct, hormones, and don't always understand what drives us on, don't always have clarity of thought and direction.
For me it was to have an easy satisfying life, a content one, that didn't involve 'too' much work that removed too many hours from my 'real' life... a home, family and wife... the base, the rock solid base of what I needed was Love, but it couldn't be just your average - I wanted the kind of love that swept you off your feet, sent your emotions into the stratosphere! :) , ha~ I suppose the kind of thing you read about in fairytales, and movies.
I have a house and a family and wife, but I wish I had been aware, wish I'd been able to see clear, clarity of thought and presence of mind to have "known" way back then.. because in the here and now , I live with regret, deep regret, that all too often sweeps over me, and the thought that I can never alter or change the past. is at times a hard to live with, because I had that love, I found my princess, I had her in my arms and I was most definetely in the stratosphere! but for the lack of knowing it, clarity of thought, too close and couldnt step back and see that this IS it... it's true what "they" say.. you don't realise what you have till it's gone.
I loved her so much I was always worried I'd lose her, trust, insecurity, doubt, "wondering" when we were not together - all the "bad" emotions were the ones I had, even though she gave me no cause to doubt- I was insecure at the time, maybe even still a little imature.. and those bad emotions kept getting in the way!!
I made a momentary blunder, went through a period of a couple of weeks where I acted and did things very much out of character, and ruined what I had, I lost that love, the love of my life, I realise this now, I realised it shortly after losing it.. and i live with regret every day, I loved her more than anyone , before or since, but I messed up and lost it. ( someone else entered my life and I foolishly saw her for a short few times over a couple of weeks )
My life has been wasted without the Love I could have had, I loved her, she loved me, and for a while I had, though didn'nt realise it, everything I could have asked for, life could have been perfect.
If I could turn back time....
I'm so sorry for causing hurt where I should not have, but I pay for it day after day, I get through life mostly Ok, but years and years later - every now and then, though thankfully not now as often as it used to be - but now n then, I wake from a dream about her, see her face, that smile, and those loving eyes - and awake, I try to hold onto the vision, but like all dreams no matter how hard you try to hold on, they fade quickly, but for me it's the emotion that lingers long after, the emotion that I feel in the dream is as real as if it were happening in reality, and I'm once agin filed with the love I once had, to have her close, to touch and hold..... and waking with these emotions flowing, only adds to the despair of the loss, the knowing I once had all I could ask for.. but now is completely out of reach, and can't be changed, can't turn the clock back, can't reach out.
For all the years that have passed by - I wish now I had waited, if it took 10 years or twenty, - thirty?! the thought that I could actually have called her many years later, and tried once more to put things right - I could have.. but I had no way of knowing then, that that would be possible, 10 or 20 years ahead seems such a long time, but when you get there, and glance back - it's too often gone by in the blink of an eye, I COULD have waited - and tried again, but loneliness, and the need to have someone near - that was still there, I blocked her out, and for several years I was Ok, and then came the house the family and wife --- but memories and emotioned locked up and hidden away, have a way of resurfacing, little things that come along and remind you of a time of a person, and the door opens..... the memories flood back....
I loved her then, I love her now. and despite all else, there is an emptiness inside that only She would have been able to fill. My mistake, has cost me a life I could have had, and it still hurts now -so many many years later.
I don't imagine thoughts of me enter her mind very often, if at all, I wonder what she would think, if she knew how often I think of her, if she knew the love I felt then is still here, and the regret of my foolish stupid insecure immature actions of so long ago , still give me pain, knowing that were it not for my idiotic stupid mistake - we might now be together and had lived in love and happiness for all these years, that I look on now as having been wasted and lost to us.
I love her - like it was in the first couple of weeks, I love her still.
and it hurts so much - wishing she were here by my side, to hold, kiss, and Love.
Regret is a terrible thing to live with, try to avoid it wherever possible - cos more often that not - you cannot take back something you'd done or said.
To anyone reading this - whatever problem you have in your love life - step back from it and get a clear view of what it is, what you want, get some clarity , a clear view and with that - know what to do... or find someone to talk to talk it over with, if you's too close to the "problem" seek someone you trust to talk to, they may be able to see it clearer and give you advice and peace of mind.
I am so in love with a married woman. I think of her every minute of the day. I am consumed with the idea of being with her. She is so beautiful. I can't get her out of my mind. I can only dream of one day spending my life growing old with her. I love everything about her.
a little lost
im 14 years old almost soon to be 15. this year i started drinking and going to partys to drink. now i think about drinking alot and recently i even stole stuff from a store. i feel terrible. now i smoke to relieve stress and the other day i did drugs. everything is going insnae i want to stop i dont know how. and now im lying to my mom i just dont even know what to do about my life anymore
when ever i
when ever i go to someone's house I steal toilet paper, paper towels, toothpaste, hair gel, forks, etc. because i'm too cheap and lazy to go to the store and buy it myself
Im in love
Im in love with th same guy my best friend is in love with. I think he felt the same way until I got drunk and came onto him. Now he wont talk to me and Im terrified she will fInd out. I still love him though
Me and two of my friends do everything together. Whenever one of us go over each other's house, we always invite the others. Like, just the three of us, other than our other friends. But, I'm getting annoyed with my other friend. I told them a secret, and my friend (lets call her Stinky :P) always makes jokes about it, when its serious, and its not funny at all. My other friend is totally fine about it. Now, Stinky also is trying to have my other friend all to herself or something dumb like that, and its so annoying, that if we go to the movies, my other friend goes 2 hours earlier, when I meet them at the theater. Stinky invites my friend to the beach, then practically rubs it in my face. I'm starting not to like her at all, but I don't want to end the friendship just like that. Plus, it might affect my friendship with my other friend. What the hell am I supposed to do?
Its my fault im like this
I dont know myself anymore, and havent for a long time. I seem to have no character, but act more as an empty vessel. "Character"'s run through me like phantoms, but i dont know who i really am.
I've hurt people close to me, rejecting theyr support, because im confused of how i should act. So i shut myself down, and put my barriers up. Iv found slight solitude in work, and have good grades, but iv lost the things that mattered.
Im alone now, but noone sees. Its my fault.
i lied when i said i wanted you, i just needed someone for the night. but now i feel ashamed and i think we shouldn't see each other anymore. and maybe one day this will just go away and we can be friends again.
I read my girlfriend's diary. She's cheated so many times (at least 6). I hate her and love her. I want to really confront her for it but i believe in privacy rights. I think she's probably cheating now.